As promised, it’s time to talk swim! When I bought my house six years ago, I thought I understood the magnitude of a proper pool wardrobe. My grandparents had a pool for gosh sakes! I would even put overpriced swimwear in layaway at our neighborhood Marshall’s (lol). I was a pro, baby!

Well, fast forward to five bikinis x 48 hours later and I realized I was going to have to step up my game big time.

1. The first step was to purge anything that felt outdated, stretched out or simply out of style. That meant saying goodbye to a lot of Miami/Vegas-era Victoria’s Secret. The end of an era!
2. Second, was ensuring that whatever remained could be worn from dusk to dawn. Please understand, there are days when I am in a bikini for 12 hours!
3. Third, optimal tanning silhouettes. When you are poolside as often as I am, you cannot fuck with your tan lines.
4. Finally, versatility is the key– can your swim go from pool to coffee shop without blinking an eye?Y’all, yes, I will throw something over my triangle string, but it just can’t be a whole circus act of changing! Of course, I would equate putting on clothes with a clown’s performance!

This summer I decided to really up the ante and place a bulk order during Jade Swim’s annual MDW sale. I dipped my toe in a few years ago and purchased two pieces in the signature Halo style— a stunning neckline but a beast for tanning! I updated my order with equally stylish, but more wearable pieces. Voila– my entire order below!

Though the sale has passed, Jade is still a worthwhile investment– incredible quality, sexy styling, and a clear commitment to color stories and chic fabrications! The Alina top with its demi cups and thin straps produces such alluring tanlines, I almost asked myself out on a date! The sheen colors are to die for– you won’t be disappointed.

Jade’s Livi top is equally sexy, but a bit more complex to figure out. To my sister and cousin, “Never mind me, just over here figuring out this dental floss of a bikini top!” But once I put the final strap in place– Pam Anderson ca. Barbed Wire + Baywatch. I had tits, out of thin air!

As not to make this a sponsored by Jade Swim post (mostly bc wishful thinking, someone call me!), let’s get into some other offerings!

• A fabulous, classic black top— the scoop is just so good, and notedly made for A-C cup girls! Despite my PamAn declaration above, I know my place in this world.
• I swear! If someone doesn’t get me this perfectly cut-out Staud one-piece, I’m going to scream! Y’all know Staud makes me feral.
• If one is going floral, why not go LoveShackFancy? This set is toothache sweet (Clueless, amirite?) and would be perfect with a pair of baggy cutoffs and oversized pink sunglasses. Lean in, girly pop!
• Another Staud winner— that wavey hem is also provoking a scream, so can we just get this done?!
• I am a years-long Beach Riot fan because they have some of the best knits in the active game (the ribbing alone!), and their command of pink is top-notch. So imagine how I am feeling about their Poppy + Iris bikini set! Similar to the LoveShack style, I love a full blown Pool Princess moment. Float on that swan while Prince Charming brings you a cocktail. Give it to me, I’m worth it!
• Icon alert– Norma Kamali’s Marissa suit has graced celebs and cool girls alike. This is the type of swimwear that completely elevates your entire summer wardrobe, because it can be worn on more occasions than meets the naked eye…emphasis on naked! Obvi, with jeans and heels as a stand-in bodysuit. But think about with a pair of sweats for a quick Pilates or spin class + coffee run? There is no breaking of stride between workout and pooltime! I also love Miss. Mariss with a maxi skirt and Havianas– just an epic clash of non sequitors. I love the gold, but the Brat chartreuse green is so Summer 2024. Revolve has a great selection for the NK newbie.
• Other inspo pics– @emrata just completely doin’itonem with this bikini through Manhattan Inamorata campaign; we stand on the shoulders of Kate’s 1995 bikini as clothes photo shoot for Vogue; @lauraharrier is perfection in teeny tiny leopard print aboard a Mediterranean speedboat seemingly moments after breaking up with an NBA star– Lord, I have seen what you’ve done for others!; a dog’s breakfast of me in all-day bikinis at home, a lucky girl lifestyle.

Ok, so I realize there’s no Target or Amazon on this list, and I am not trying to be exclusionary. However, in the spirit of intentionally excluding those brands, let me just say that swimwear should serve you for years, so invest in the highest quality your budget can manage. I do have a few Target styles that I love to throw on for a quick post-workout dip, but I have fully moved on from attempting the latest viral, influencer-Amazon-must-have. The fabric is always…off and the fit is always…off, so I decided to stop with the $30 here and there and just buckle down and get what I want.

Pool season is the apex of the calendar year, so let’s just fucking peak out! Xx