Over the past two years, I have talked so much about eschewing intense people pleasing in order to get closer to my own desires.

Well, I haven’t just talked about it. I’ve BEEN ABOUT IT!

Moving back home after an important but traumatic stint in the Midwest really clarified my vision for my life. A couple of (important, but traumatic) romantic relationships further drove the point home.

It’s MY LIFE, babe, so I better get with the program of living it! I had a conversation with a girlfriend recently who admitted that she thought my intense boundary-setting was just “Amelia going through one of her seasons…” until she realized I was maybe onto something.

With all due respect to the Year of the Horse, this is really the era of women leaning totally into their bitchiness. We’ve been talking about Low Key Rich Bitch styling for years, but what does it actually mean to embody this archetype?

**pics clockwise from top left– She a Dime; same, My’Hala girl, same!; Simone Ashley delivered on her recent Jay Shetty interview; just a Dime @ Dimes Square (pre rat running scampering from the park towards our white wine; my sis took this FaceTime pic of my epic Dominican blowout; Beckhams doing Beckham shit– GOOOOOALLLLL; me, in way too many 2024-2026 conversations; a bitchy babygirl, obsessed!

Enter Bitchy Boundaries. (With a side of some great ‘fits!)

• First order of business, is the “no.” It means exactly as it sounds. No, I won’t. No, I don’t. No, I shouldn’t. There’s no grey area or room for argument. If I don’t wanna, I’m not gonna.
• Second and tangential to the “no,” is understanding how we expend our energy. This was a doozy of a lesson for me because I am by nature capital EXTRO-verted. Throughout my twenties, I found myself compulsively bff’ing a slew of random people and then tiring of the closeness after a few months. I had to do an investigation on why I was attaching myself so quickly to those who should have remained acquaintances at best. Enter my need to nurture and include other people. Well, it was sucking the shit out of my energy and tying me up with people who I didn’t even know and vice versa. I felt myself actively stop 5 years ago when I was having dinner with a somewhat friend who I knew I would never hang out with again, and did not. I’ve since gotten laser focused on who gets my time and attention and for how long. The circle is smallllllll.
• Next, the Good Daughter Syndrome. Forget birth order, if you are a daughter period, the emotional labor is nonstop. Phone calls to always pick up, incessant questions about everything on earth, and just a general sense of needing to be available for your parents on top of all the other. Don’t get me wrong, I am obsessed with my mom and dad and literally, could not have asked for better parents. Yet and still, sometimes a youngest daughter just needs time to herself. When you’re feeling bad for ghosting your parents for a day or two, just remember that Baby Boomers are very resilient…and your mom will never care about double/triple/quadruple calling you!
• Third, a True Blue Bitch does not give a rat’s ass about other people’s opinions. She cares about her closest fam and friends’ feelings, but not every thought that pops into their minds. See above about living life according to your own plan— so, one very important step is to stop crowd sourcing on the most critical elements. Do. Not. Overshare. On. Relationships. Tell people about big career moves after the fact. Keep family business in the family. And conversely, you don’t have to shout every feeling you have about other people’s lives either. Be there intentionally and consistently for those who hold you down, but always remember that not giving a fuck about business that’s not yours is a two way street.
• Finally, do you notice how the female villain is always reallllly confident? You cannot tell Ursula shit in that sweetheart neckline and blue eyeshadow! Regina George is a case study in knowing what you bring to the table. Gabby Union’s slutty groupie in Love and Basketball would be revered by the modern IG influencer. Sometimes being a Bitch is living every moment of the day like you are HER, looking in the mirror and smirking “Am I honestly this gorgeous all the time?!” Or it could be the specifically flawless way you host a dinner party or smack a tennis ball or hell, the priceless skill of applying a flawless red lip with no mirror. A lot of people-pleasing is shrinking into the background of someone’s consciousness. I am begging you to show up loudly and force the world to reckon with you being far better than what they’re used to!

Ok, now what does a Bitch with Boundaries wear? Some inspo!

Hot Pink is the calling card of the Millenial Bitch! Mean Girls is the forever reference! Loving this ridiculous Alice + Olivia paillete sequin miniskirt and this Boabab cover-up that could def stay for dinner.

I stumbled into the Hailey Bieber x GAP collab during a NYC work jaunt and I fear these jeans have become my entire summer personality– sorry to the bikinis! A women who truly knows her worth will drown herself in baggy denim without blinking an eye. Literally, stare at someone else’s ass in skintight bootcut jeans.

A true bad bitch knows when to go high and when to go low– in life, as well as in shoes. I was a tried and true stilettos princess for decades until a running injury tested the limits of my little ankle. Alas, I have been inching back into the world of heels, and I think this TDF mule sandal from Jude is the perfect beta test. I meannnnnn, that suede is peak 80’s femme fatale! Getting a little closer to the ground, I am distraught over Reformation’s new satin micro-wedge sandal. Not to be so cliche, but that eggplant hue is just very royal! I once had a man tell me he couldn’t date a woman who wore wedges…blank stare at how that relationship ended up. Also v. v. bitchy is getting your hands on any Blazy Chanel. I made the mistake of trying these on @ BGs and now they are haunting me!

What to wear up top? A GOT is the obvious answer! Real Bitches GO OUT! I have been trying for years to recreate my trousseau of high school/college/early 20s going out tops, and it has been a challenge. The girls are just not Showstopping like they used to. In addition to continuing to rotate my vintage bebe and Banana Republic collection, I have added in a few faves. My bf literally guffawed when I casually described my new white tank as “a Dime, like me.” The cotton construction is perfect and the cursive Dime logo is very subtle/IYKYK. Snap this bad boy up in dusty plum!

Ok, so what’s on the playlist? Tinashe– Crash Out is the anthem; Cardi’s A-Ha is like Bodak Yellow unhinged; Slayyyter’s riff on her original chanel$ hit has infiltrated my brain, it is just beyond me; anything by Gwen McCrae but especially Rocking Chair which reminds me of my 2024 London birthday trip when I was clawing my way back to my inner bitch; our resident Canadian mean girl delivered a banger with 2 Hard 4 The Radio; Flo Milli did not come to play with Too Bo$$y.

I hope I have inspired you to dig deep for your authentic self– to show up in your own clothes, blast your music, say what’s in your heart and choose yourself every damn day. Remember, we are complex enough to be a bitch and a lover, a sinner and a saint with zero shame! Xx